Pretend I'm Alright
by TheDiscoDolphin
Summary: Love sometimes can be hard to tell. Arthur/ Merlin with hint of Arthur/ Gwen


_"Hello, hello._

_Anybody out there? Cause I don't hear a sound._

_Alone, alone._

_I don't know where the world it, but I miss it now." _

Forever. What that entails, no one knows. I thought I knew once, but I was wrong. He was perfect. WE were perfect. How foolish I was then. If only the new me could speak to the former me. Marrying a woman, that was a mistake on my behalf. Especially when it was so obvious that someone so dear to me was hurting so much. A certain blue eyed male.

_Merlin._

I smiled, after all this time. He was the only one who stayed solely for me. Guinevere left me a few years ago. She said, "I can't love someone whose heart no longer belongs to me as mine does to him." I had no idea what she meant until a few months later when our son was born and we had to name him. We both rattled off names for a while. Mordred, after our once friend. Albion, after the kingdom we had built. Alexander, after one of Guienevere's old friends. For a while, we even debated on the name Merlin. We discussed it for two weeks. Eventually, we both decided it was too close to our hearts. We finally settled on Amr. That was over five years ago.

Guienevere left three of those five years ago. She left me Amr, promising that she would still be a part of Amr's life-as his mother- but she could no longer be my queen. The queen of my untamed heart. She knew, she told me once, that I loved her once, but also that that time had long since passed. She knew that I loved some one else-someone much, much more reserved than her.

We were in our room that night, just two nights before our Amr was conceived. She was laughing, smiling as I was tickling her. Come to think of it, that was the last time I heard her laugh. That was the last time I felt truly married. She finally pushed me off of her nude body.

She was calming herself down. "Ar-ar-Arthur!"

I smiled, "Yes, milady?" I smirked, as our bare skin rubbed against one another's.

She bit her lip, holding back a moan. "Arthur, stop it!" She said as she playfully slapped me on my chest.

I smiled and kissed her lips lightly. "You know you love me, milady. Or shall I say your highness?" I playfully raised my eyebrow.

She smiled, "Arthur, do you want any children? I'm being serious. Don't mess around with me now."

My mouth opened wide- in shock, of course- "Of course, I do. That's every man's dream. Especially a king."

Three years and two nights after our wedding day, our marriage was finally consummated. I never knew just how much of a stressful time period the next nine months would be on our marriage. Eventually ending it.

I smiled as I walked into our bedroom, finding my queen sitting on our bed-waiting for me. She was still fully clothed, but in her eyes, you could see her hopes and wishes. She had always wanted a family. I still can't believe that I was the one who could bring that to her and she could bring that to me.

"Come to me, Arthur. Come to me." She said in the most seductive voice she could manage. She was biting her lower lip, obviously ready for the task. More so than I was.

It wasn't until we were both about to do the deed that I realized what was wrong...I wasn't aroused the way she was. My organ was still limp on my body as her peaks were almost tearing the tissue on my body. Still that did not hinder my abilities. I made her as my queen do some things to me that I swore no one would ever do. Definitely not a woman.

_"I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name_

_Like a fool at the top of my lungs._

_Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright, _

_But it's never enough."_

"Daddy?" A small voice broke me free from my distant memories. Memories that aren't as distant as I'd like them to be.

"Yes, Amr?" I said softly, bending down so I am eye level with him. My only son. The only love in my life.

"Merlin said he loved someone. Daddy, what is love?" He said with the most innocent eyes in the world. They were so full of curiosity. So full of confusion.

I had the audacity to laugh at the thought of my manservant being in any stage of a romantic relationship. "Love? Merlin in love?"

"Why is that so humorous, my lord?" A man's voice said from behind me.

_Merlin._

I turned around to see his face. It seemed to be in pain. He did not wish for me to know and it seemed as though he was shocked by my reaction. As if it was his last thought that I would react like that. But Merlin, of all people, in love? It just didn't seem right.

What is even worse is the feeling I got in my stomach. What is this horrible, horrible feeling? Is it...jealousy? It couldn't be. I have no feelings like that for any other men. Gwaine...Lancelot...Percival. All of these men are my friends, but nothing more. Why is it that the scrawniest, gangliest, most innocent man of them all attracts me more than the others?

"Merlin, I didn't mean it like that. I just..." I couldn't think of a good reason. "Can't see you with anyone."

"No one or no one but you?" He raised his eyebrow quizzically.

I looked down at my only son. "Amr, go to your room. Merlin and I need to..." I looked Merlin in the eyes, raising an eyebrow. "Talk... Alone."

"Oh...kay?" He said as he walked away, confused as to what his father was saying. I watched as he closed the door behind him with a hard slam.

I turned back as soon as Amr walked out of the room. Startled by the pair of lips that were thrust upon my own when I did. I pushed him away, shocked that I was only shocked, not disgusted.

"I'm so sorry, my lord. I promise not to do that ever again." Merlin immediately babbled out, covering his own mouth with his dainty hand.

I grabbed his hand, pulling his body into my own. My eyes locked on his, my voice was hushed. "Merlin, Merlin. Shush. You need not to apologize."

I leaned in towards him, finding myself losing my breath. This man is the first to leave me truly breathless. Two seconds later, my lips were placed softly on his.

"DADDY!" I heard a small voice call out.

Oh crap!


End file.
